My Stepfather's family is practically all military. Grandpa was a career Marine and died in the late 90's. Dad's brother and his wife are recently retired career Navy and are still doing government service. His brother-in-law is retired career Navy as well as his nephew who graduated from Annapolis. Dad did 2 tours in the Navy then married my crazy mother when I was in college. Dad is currently in ICU waiting for throat cancer treatment so this is a poignant Memorial Day for his family. Please say a short prayer for Scott.

Then go BBQ!

I FEEL SO LOCKED OUT or WTF?

So I finally get a day off yesterday.  I decided to do the right thing and clean and do laundry.  Things went great for the first half of the day.  Room half cleaned and kicking ass on laundry. 

Enter Vodka and Diet!!

Enter Nap!!  Oh nap how I love you!!

Chatted with AS after I woke and decided to go to (sexual orientation warning here) the local gay bar.   (ask AS about our arrangement if you dare) Had a great time and met a really cool guy. 

Enter more Vodka and Diet!!

Got home and tried to get into the house but my key would not work.   Fumb Ducking key!!  After about 30 minutes trying (that is about five minutes in sober time) I decided to just walk in through the back door.  Viola!!!  I AM IN!!! 

Back to Pablo and this morning.  I went outside to have a smoke and I hear a phone ringing.  Could not figure out where the ringing was coming from. 

Pablo says “it’s your phone…” and points to the middle of the yard.  WTF? 

To my surprise it was AS calling to wake me up.  I went back to go in the house and my keys were still sitting by the door.  WTF? 

Bicycle laying on its side. WTF?

Went looking for my wallet and found my house key on a SEPARATE key chain that I did not try last night… WTF?

Enter Vodka and Diet!! 

Move along!!!  Nothing more here!!

 

Reasons

I have dealt with miscommunication for many years now.  Sometimes for good reasons, sometime for not so good reasons.

I have not talked with my family for years now for stupid reasons.   

I have come to learn that family is more important than anything.  Although my ideal of what family means is more skewed than it has ever been. 

Acid Spunk is going through family miscommunications right now.   Reasons?

Younger siblings are being just that.  Reasons?

Scooter needs to talk but wont.  Reasons?

I am trying to take care of the business end of things.  Reasons?

Why is my own dad in my head right now?  Reasons!

Why is my Scooter Dad going through this?  Reasons?

Why am I not there with Acid Spunk?  Reasons?

I could go on and on….    There are so many things I want answers to and need to know the reason for. I have come to the conclusion that I do not have the answers and never will..  

I just wish I had a reason for why this is all happening.

JS

This is my new toy

Now I just need to figure out how to steal him from my sister and take him back to Florida with me.

I earned the shit to scream like a fucking lunatic giving birth 4 times. Happy Fucking Mothers Day!!

Thanks to my friend Gemma for this line.

My kids who seem to have forgotten me.. Oh Well.

A Letter To Tommy On Mother’s Day

Dear Tommy,

I was almost done with my monster work day in the middle of a monster run at work when I realized that it was one year ago today that I tried to call Ma and the number was no longer in service.  My heart sank.   I knew.  It took a couple of days to confirm that she had passed. 

I just wanted to thank you for bringing this wonderful person into my life.  Before you left and even more after you did she was there for me in so many ways.  She listened to me when I was down.  She was there for me and rejoiced when times were good. 

I remember the first time I actually got to meet her.  You and she took me trick or treating.  I ate too much candy and Del Taco.  Went home and puked.  Good times…..   lol

I KNOW she loved you and still does with all of her heart.  She told me this every time we talked. 

I miss and love you both Dad. 

Happy Mothers' Day Beeyotches!

I am celebrating the day by napping.  I'm slowly getting in all those naps I didn't get to take while I had 4 small kids at home. 

Interestingly enough, the one personal "Happy Mothers' Day" I have gotten so far is from my husband and we don't even share biological children.  Is it too much to ask for a kid to pop up on Facebook?

Cocktails are in my future.

So carrying on with the theme.....

It's been raining here in Huntsville, TX and it's getting a little muddy out there.  My sister and I cancelled a plan to saddle me up on one of the horses this evening and made a trip to Walmart for pizza fixings and the boozie store.  It's Mother's Day tomorrow and I may have to self medicate.

I have a new debit card that Jonny Soxx got for me (FROM WALMART!) and went to pay for my paltry $16 purchase.  DECLINED.  Took me 30 fucking minutes to figure out that it did not recognize the PIN number we have been using for YEARS!  I owe my sister 16 bucks but the boozie store had no problem processing the card later.  Go figure.   Someone in Indonesia is getting an earful tomorrow.

Top Ten Reasons My Room Mate Annoy Me Or How Many Times Can I say Fuck or Fucking

1)          She has passive aggressiveness down to a fucking science.

2)          He is the lead on our current project and I have saved his fucking ass more than once but yet he is never wrong.

3)          I sent her to the store for charcoals and she came back with some store brand coals.  FUCKING KINGSFORD YOU IDIOT!

4)          He has no FUCKING idea how to figure out how much coals you need, how to stack said lack of coals, and at what point you need to knock them down and JUST GET TO COOKING. 

5)          Sqeeeeeee seems to be her favorite saying.  (note to self or anyone who ever has the unfortunate pleasure of meeting her:  Never give or show her anything FUCKING shiny or cute.  And god forbid you show her a pic of a FUCKING puppy unless you have a FUCKING head spork readily available.)

6)          When he and I are talking by ourselves he states how FUCKING annoying she is but will not do a FUCKING thing about it.  He has ignoring down to a science. 

7)          I can go shopping for a few FUCKING things.  I pay a third of the FUCKING rent but it seems as though that does not grant me a third of the FUCKING refrigerator space.  I can put anything in there and in the morning I am digging in the back because she HAD to FUCKING rearrange. FUCK YOU REX!

8)           Did I mention the BBQ issue?

9)           Do not get me wrong here… I do appreciate a free FUCKING meal from time to time but for Goddess sake.. How many FUCKING times in a month can you make freaking bbq pork chops and shitty chili?

     10)    I FUCKING hate it here.  


So the first person to come up with the correct amount of FUCKS or FUCKINGS wins absolutely nothing..   Get a life people!!

JS out!!!!   

WHAT????  This is life on the farm.

Fuck Me With A Running Duck

Jonny Soxx chiming in.  Let me be up front and honest here.  20% of my posts will be after I have had a couple of cocktails.  Oh hell. who is kidding who?  75% of my posts will be under the influence.   If you have issues with that then like Acid Spunk said, close the window and do a brain bleach. 

Back to Fuck Me With A Running Duck.  That is a combination of my two favorite sayings.  Fuck me running and fuck a duck.  I just started a new job.  I work in retail remodeling.  I work for a mother and son company.  These peoples are so over their head. So much so that they do not even know the basic of construction terminology.

The other day I was asked by Boy Child (that is what I will refer to as my boss as from here on out.  He was born the year I graduated high school for effing sakes. )  what I was doing.  Told him I was “shaking out” some materials.  His response was “what do you mean shaking out”  For those not in the know it means staging shit where it needs to go.  My first thought was “fuck me running” and my second thought was “fuck a duck" this kid is my boss and does not even know basic terminology. 

Two days ago my room mate, long time buddy, and past co-worker as well as current co-worker was going over what needed to be done for the day.  Boy Child told him that he needed to work on getting the fox metal up on the walls.  My buddy was a bit confused as to what fox metal was.  They both went and looked at the blue prints for the job.  Buddy looked and it was FAUX metal..   LMAO.  WE call it fox metal everyday with Boy Child. 

FUCK ME WITH A RUNNING DUCK!! 

That is all. 

 Give Me Bake Sales or Give Me Death

These are the days that you want to tell the government to go straight to hell.  The food police antics over the past few years started out humorous but now it's just getting downright offensive.  If I want to eat a fucking twinkie (or gawd forbid feed one to my kid) it's my RIGHT.  If I want to eat a fucking quarter pounder with cheese, SHUT UP.  And make sure it comes with extra pickles.  Mmmmmm salt.  If you want you can throw some extra onions on to make it "healthy".

I may be 105 pounds soaking wet, but I live on a diet of meat, cheese, eggs, some salad, and a small list of certain vegetables.  I eat a minimal amount of bread and I use copious amounts of butter at all times. Michelle Obama would be appalled.  But then again I could probably fit into one of her pant legs so who cares what she thinks?

Rebel my friends!  Start working on your stash of Little Debbies and Flaming Hot Cheetos.  Before we know it everything will be regulated into being made out of lima beans and life will not be worth living anymore.

 Potential Offensiveness Alert

This blog should really be named "Things We Can't Say on Facebook".  Jonny Soxx (my husband and partner in crime) and I decided we needed a place to vent without offending family and friends who might get the vapors at some of our thoughts.  If you somehow get directed here and don't like what you see, PLEASE PLEASE close the window, pretend you never saw it, and get some brain bleach if you need to.  Everyone else, welcome and feel free to comment.  Comments will remain unmoderated until someone really pisses me off.  :o)